These Haiku come from Email -but you can buy the book

After the warm rain,
the sweet scent of camellias.
Did you wipe your feet?

A lovely nose ring,
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven

Beyond Valium,
the peace of knowing one's child
is an internist.

"Can't you just leave it?"
the new Jewish mother asks --
umbilical cord.

Cherry blossoms bloom.
Sure, itís beautiful, but is
it good for the Jews?

Firefly steals into
the night just like my former
partner, that gonif.

Hard to tell under
the lights--white Yarmulke or
male-pattern baldness?

Hava nagila,
hava nagila, hava....
enough already.

Heimlich. Is that a
Jewish name? I wonder as
a diner turns blue.

Hey! Get back indoors!
Whatever you were doing
could put an eye out.

In a stage whisper
a yenta confides the name
of her friend's disease.

In the ice sculpture
reflected bar mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Jewish triathlon:
gin rummy, then contract bridge, followed by a nap.

Jews on safari --
map, compass, elephant gun, 
hard sucking candies.

Left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture at
my dinner table.

Lonely mantra of
Jewish mother: "They never
call, they never write."

Look, Beryl! I've found
the most splendid tchochke for
our Chanukah bush.

Looking for pink buds
to prune back, the mohel tends
his flower garden.

Lovely nose ring --
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

Lovely nose ring;
excuse me while I put my
head in the oven.

Mom, please! There is no
need to put that dinner roll
in your pocketbook.

Monarch butterfly,
I know your name used to be

No fins, no flippers
the gefilte fish swims with
some difficulty.

Our youngest daughter,
our most precious jewel.
Hence the name, Tiffany.

Passover, left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Quietly murmured
at Yom Kippur services,
New York 5, Braves 3.

Scrabble anarchy
after 'putzhead' is placed on
a triple-word score.

Seven-foot Jews
in the NBA slam-dunking-
my alarm clock rings.

Sorry I'm not home
to take your call. At the tone
please state your bad news.

Tea ceremony --
fragrant steam perfumes the air.
Try the cheese danish.

Testing the warm milk
on her wrist, she beams; nice, but her son is forty.

The long pilgrimage
to the venerable shrine:
Leonard's of Great Neck.

The same kimono
the top geishas are wearing.
Got it at Loehmann's.

The shivah visit:
so sorry about your loss.
Now back to my problems.

The sparkling blue sea
beckons me to wait one hour
after my sandwich.

The sparrow brings home
too many worms for her young.
"Force yourself," she chirps

Today I am a
man. On Monday I return
to the seventh grade.

Today, mild shvitzing.
Tomorrow, so hot you'll plotz. 
Five-day forecast: feh

Wet moss on the old
stone path; flat on my back, I
ponder whom to sue.

Yenta. Schmier. Gevalt.
Schlemiel. Schlemazl. Tuchus.
Oy! To be fluent!

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Last updated 02/08/2012